No Buko, No Pie



“If I didn’t take that flight, I think our story will be different. I think we will go on.”

But I didn’t think so. I think the romanticism will settle and reality will kick in. And then it will just be the same story as anybody’s.

“At least you and I have a strong foundation because we started off as long time friends. We would have handled any situation better.”

Maybe. But I think breaking up was with reason – I eventually found myself and you have daughters.

Maybe all that has been happening is so overwhelming, you’d like to believe there is something there. Look, you left 12 years ago. We broke up a year later. You got married a month after. Eleven years later, you realize are not happy, so it’s quite natural that you would think that the relationship before that would probably have been better. When you begin to wonder what may have happened, that will open up a lot of romantic ideas. And since none of it is coming to life, then that only fuels your assumptions that ours may have been blissful.

The period after our break up was the darkest time in my professional life and it reflected in my personal life. I wouldn’t have made a good wife and mother. I think that would eventually have broken us. If we really were meant to be together, that certainly wasn’t our time.

And now you are with me, the first time in 11 years. Everything is so surreal. The last time we sat together was during a time when people around us were happy that we were holding hands and were seemingly inseparable. Now, we’re just sitting side by side in front of an empty garden at 1 am.

Pardon me for being a cynic. I think I was once a romantic, and with each relationship a part of that has died. I’m too scared to get to that point when things get real. Perhaps that’s the reason why I am too afraid to settle down. I like the thrill of getting to know the person and loving each second of their company, and dread the day when there is nothing left.

Does that make me someone who is not meant to be with somebody for a lifetime?

I worry about that sometimes.

As our moment in that time warp was nearing its end, I suddenly had an uneasy feeling in my gut. What may have happened if he hadn’t left? What could happen if I ask him to stay? Since we both have our own lives now that we have to face, we agreed to leave each other be. If there is a next time for us, then it shall come.

I am loving my life now, but why do I think this was one of our greatest nights since that night we first met on the beach seventeen years ago?

Maybe I am still a romantic after all…